Hand Knitted Dean Windass doll

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Asking price: £10

Oh dear. You have to credit the attention detail I suppose, the winners medal around the neck, the black and amber trophy ribbons, the tattoo... but look at it, just look at it, who wants that? Well, no one it seems, there were no bids after 10 days of listing.

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Boaz Myhill pencil drawing

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Asking price: £5

No bids for this gem either, surprisingly. The seller assures us this is an original pencil drawing and not a print, furthermore it's signed by the artist. How assuring. How crap.

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City trainers

 Official. Available from: Tiger Leisure. Asking price: £39.99

Much like City, the quality of stock in Tiger Leisure has improved year on year, but they don't always get it right in the club shop, take these monstrosities for example. Late 70's/early 80's football casual culture played a large part in making trainers, previously only seen on those playing sports, part of the every day streetwear ensemble. Casuals used to wearing adidas Stan Smith, Nike Wimbledon and Diadora Borg Elite wouldn't have been seen dead in these, and neither should you. Not fit to take your dog ratting in.

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Hull City wired blazer patch

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Asking price: £4.99

You don't see many people wearing blazers these days, so this item would appeal to a limited target audience even if it was any good, and it really isn't. What is going on with the eyes? They're like the eyes of the kids in Village of the Damned, only more sinister.

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'Hull City' fan hat

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Asking price: £2.99

I'm not sure when blue and red was added to City's colours. The item description reads..."JUST THE HAT FOR ALL HULL CITY FANS, we have been waiting for these hats to arrive (just missed out for Wembley) Be one of the first to get one of these hats in time for the Pre-Season Games A MUST FOR ALL TIGER FANS, ONE SIZE FITS ALL, FLASHING LIGHTS WITH BATTERY INCLUDED AND INSTRUCTIONS, LETS JINGLE ALL THE WAY UP THE PREMIERSHIP" I bet you're gutted you didn't have one at Wembley eh?

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Hull City "Tigers" F.C. Collectable (Promoted)

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Asking price: £14.99

"An item with a difference" starts the Ebay blurb, implying that not many people have one of these, which wouldn't be much of a surprise. "A hand cut, hand leaded, totally hand made original cut to symbolise a pair of football boots." Symbolise is the correct term as I haven't seen any boots that look like that, ever. "Can be hung up using a plate hanger" says the seller. Or thrown in the bin. 

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Hull City knitted sweater

 Unofficial. Available from: Ebay. Sold for: £1.25

A jumper, seemingly based on the 1966 City shirt. "You couldn't knit one yourself for this price" boasts the seller, and since it went for £1.25, they're probably right. £3 postage meant the auction winner paid £4.25 in total, mind. If you see anyone wearing this, poke them in the eyeballs, it might stop them buying shit in the future.

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