Things We Think We Think #253

TWTWT

1. You’d be forgiven for considering not turning up to home games till half time at the moment. First, you’d avoid the queues for the turnstiles, which are worse now than at any time since the stadium opened (slow hand clap for Ehab), and secondly, because for the time being City home first halves tend to be insipid, uninspiring affairs where the Tigers seem stuck in first gear, lacking any real purpose, beyond waiting till halftime when Marco Silva imparts a deliciously meticulous plan to sex up the second half.

2. And that second half was sexy. It was top shelf in its sexiness. It was so sexy, it made a 21 year old Sophia Loren look like Deirdre Barlow in comparison. It was footballing Viagra. Cock stiffening, pussy widening, nip tingling, fluid generating sexiness.

2a. We’ll be good to go in a minute, just let us catch our breath…

2b. Okay, the second half. City’s courage in overcoming both the referee (of whom more in a moment) and a numerically advantaged Watford side felt vitally important. To win when a man light for well over an hour in the Premier League is extremely impressive, and testament to City’s resiliance and belief at home. The reaction when City scored that first goal was, at the risk of lapsing back into graphic imagery, semi-orgasmic. And from there, the will of the players and the fervour of the City fans did the rest. It was magnificent and uplifting.

3. It can be all too easy to pile into match officials: fans are tacitly encouraged to do so by broadcasters and pundits who’d rather pore over a contentious refereeing decision (making glib remarks such as ‘well you’ve seen them given’ or ‘he’s given the ref a decision to make’) because it’s easier to do that than to really earn corn by offering thoughtful tactical insight. As partisans, it’s convenient and painless for fans to blame referees in defeat, as it avoids the cognitive dissonance of acknowledging flaws in the abilities of players we are fond of and the team we love. When you’re still cursing the man in the middle hours after a win, however, then it’s quite likely that the reason is no more complex than shite refereeing. Step forward Robert Madley.

4. The decision to produce a straight red for Niasse’s supposed foul on Niang felt contemptible in realtime, and further contempt was liberally applied after seeing replays of the incident. Madley compounded the error when he elected to let off Niang for a dive on the stroke of half time that was in turns impressively balletic, dramatically hammy and unfathomably twatty.  Thus a pattern was set of City transgressions being jumped on while Watford indiscretions were ignored.

5. Can you imagine how deflating it must have been for Swansea, who recorded their first Premier League win since February on Saturday, to find out that 10 men City had beaten Watford 2-0? It must have made them feel their efforts in besting Stoke were all for naught, as they are no nearer to overhauling our two point advantage and now have one less game to do it in. Psychology is a massive part of football, and it’s hard to believe that Swansea’s sense of hope and self-belief wasn’t damaged by the weekend’s dénouement..

6. Andrea Ranocchia was named man of the match, and he was as he’s been since joining us on loan from Inter highly competent, but we’d have handed the accolade to another man. Alfred N’Diaye was tremendous in both breaking up Watford possession and in confidently maintaining possession for us. Sam Clucas is another on the shortlist.

7. Though perhaps it’s better to consider Sam Clucas for player of the year rather than just man of the match on Saturday. A game award against Watford would have neatly illustrated his growth as a player, juxtaposing the performance with the last one against Watford, when the lad endured a torrid afternoon unfairly deployed at left back, but his exponential rise to prominence since joining City from Chesterfield in the summer of 2015 would be better acknowledged by the 2016/17 player of the year award.

8. He might just take goal of the season too, after that beautiful and composed strike that sealed three points against Watford.

9. Southampton next, then. That’s an away game, and therefore impossible to contemplate without a sense of fatalist dread. Surely this extraordinary pattern of win-at-home/lose-away cannot remain for the whole of the season? We wouldn’t complain if so, as we’d be very likely to stay up if so, however the prize for even a point at St Mary’s is huge. With Swansea not playing until the next day, if they were to prepare for a fixture at Manchester United three points (or more!) behind, their task would appear formidable. Come on City, let’s summon the spirit of Saturday and sort this away thing out.

10. We enjoyed the match report in the Sunday Times pointing out, as a casual but pertinent aside in parentheses, that the referee was barracked off the pitch by a stadium that was “not full (largely because of comical ownership)”. Sadly, we suspect Ehab Allam will take that to mean he’s some kind of charismatic raconteur with the timing of Eric Morecambe, and not a manifestly inept autocrat who hates his clientele.

35 replies
  1. Ambertigerfan
    Ambertigerfan says:

    On 2 there I believe that would be better described as “…fadge widening,…..”

  2. Evie
    Evie says:

    Fair play to City at least you guys look like you want to stay up. We bottled it completely and unless there’s some miracle we’re going straight back down and taking our Mackem neighbours with us!

  3. John Tindall
    John Tindall says:

    …. Quick! Pass that bucket of water…… Paragraph 2 is in need of a serious cool down!

  4. Michael Coates
    Michael Coates says:

    From our seats in the south stand the three man breakaway for the first goal was very impressive, because everyone stood up i didn’t realise Markovic header hit the cross bar but i saw the second attempt go in.
    Then Sam’s strike was the icing on the cake. A team performance not helped by crap refs & that’s not the first time this season refs have seemingly crapped on Hull City.
    Maybe Ehab cut back on the refs refreshments, like every cutback he seems to be making this season, or even worse the ref don’t get concessions​ now also??

  5. steve
    steve says:

    Great stuff especially point 2, pity you can’t go a week without having a dig at the owners for no particular reason.
    We waited 5 mins outside at longest and the only chunk of the stadium empty is upper west, yeah there are odd seats here and there but i dont get this obsession with attendances, as you point out, those that turned up had a thoughrally enjoyable afternoon, those that didn’t because of our “comical owners” well I hope you enjoyed listening on radio.

  6. Michael Coates
    Michael Coates says:

    Lots of fans can now stream home & away matches, just like Ehab & pops without attending!!

  7. ceefax
    ceefax says:

    I was thinking that 7/10 looks a little miserly given the impact that Mr Silva has had on the club, but I spotted that he merits 8/10 on the homepage but just 7/10 on TWTWT. Are you rating Silva (H) and Silva (A) separately?

  8. JohnK
    JohnK says:

    I was looking forward to reading this week’s Things We Think We Think, after all Saturday’s game was one for the “most memorable moments’ diary. But after reading point 2 I was left to wonder how many 8 to 15 years olds would be asking their parents the definition of some of the descriptive terms you used in point 2. Yes I know the “leader of the free world” won a Presidential election on the back of “boys” talk but I don’t see why you guys should lower yourselves. I hope you understand that my point is not being about being PC, its about understanding your audience and finding a happy medium. I think you can do better than this.
    I won’t go into too much detail about the game, it kind of describes itself, but watching live in the US it was great to hear the commentators talk about City in such positive terms. The summarizer for the game was none other than Jamie Carragher and you can bet your last Rolo on him getting on the phone to tell Jurgen Klop about the exploits of players he might want to put on his summer shopping list, that is if they are not already on it.
    What was also interesting, and disappointing was the studio debate between the pundits after the game. This week’s pundits were Kyle Martinez (no I had never heard of him before watching NBC’s PL coverage), and Robbie Mustoe. who is actually a good guy with good comments and observations. Mustoe is normally paired with Robbie Earl who must have had a weekend off and between the 2 of them they make entertaining and accurate assessments. What was disconcerting was the discussion between Martinez and Mustoe during the summary show on Sunday. The question was “where will Marco Silva be next season?” It seemed that the general consensus was West Ham but that wasn’t the most disappointing point. The fact is neither even mentioned that he could continue with his current employers, which was truly annoying and I tweeted Mustoe to let him know how I felt. In fairness to him he did respond to my tweet, which he has done before. Nevertheless the fact that there seems to be little hope amongst US based TV pundits, at least, that Marco will stay, no matter were we finish at the end of the season, is really annoying. Is this the general view in the UK?
    Clearly there is no Hull City supporter that wouldn’t want to give Marco a bumper 10 year contract at the KCOM and handcuff his legs to the home dugout. It would be great to see what he could do given a full season and a couple of owner supported transfer windows to play with. I certainly hope that he sees his time at City is not over and there is more he can do to develop our club and his own reputation by staying put and perhaps waiting for a more interesting opportunity than a club like West Ham.
    It would seem though that keeping our PL status is not the only battle that we are facing.

  9. Les
    Les says:

    8-15 year olds have never been our target demographic, and our analytics show we don’t attract them. I think we understand our audience pretty well thanks.

  10. richard pearson
    richard pearson says:

    Agree with John K’s first paragraph. Come off it, lads. You have created a high standard of reporting but you can do better than paragraph 2. and its allusions. Please avoid that stuff. It may be OK for some but not for those who enjoy your TW column . City is a family club now, isn’t it? A famous day in City history, indeed. More to come….

  11. WSM
    WSM says:

    Marco Silva is almost certainly as ambitious as he is capable. So he will have targeted the top of the global game for himself and unless something goes dramatically wrong he looks on target to achieve that. So what should Hull City do? Extending his contract is, IMHO, something that would be neither here nor there for him – he will stay for just as long as suits him. Even if he could turn the club into another Leicester of 2015-16 it would never have the associated glory of one of the top global teams. Instead, if I was Assem Allam, I would put him in charge of every aspect of the club’s operation (including naming, ticket pricing, etc); give him, say, a 25% stake in the club (over a period of years, based on its success); tell my son to get back to his polo; stay right out of the way and watch the success come rolling in and my remaining 75% become worth a fortune. But all that assumes Mr Silva is as ambitious for money as he is for glory. And on that point I have no idea.

  12. Bill Baxter
    Bill Baxter says:

    JohnK & Richard,
    How long have you been reading A.N.?
    If you don’t like the tone of that description, I’m afraid you’re on the wrong website.
    Perhaps instead you should go read ‘Tenfoot City’ or err….. maybe not.

  13. JohnK
    JohnK says:

    Les your response is surprising. Seems that it kind of sums up how the Allam’s treat City supporters. Kind of, “if you don’t like it, lump it!” If not in words, certainly tone.
    I am not sure why you guys think you are above some form of “polite” criticism and feedback, I can’t believe that I am the only one that bristled at the comments made in point 2, but perhaps one of only a couple that made you aware that you had crossed a line.
    As you will know, based on your analytics, I have been reading and commenting on AN for many years (I know for example that you know were I am based). Living in the US it is a means to stay connected to likeminded Hull based City supporters that provide more insights than I get from just watching City on the TV. The job you do is clearly a labour of love and hats off to you for doing it but don’t alienate elements of your loyal readership just because you think you can.

  14. Les
    Les says:

    I don’t think we’re above feedback and criticism, far from it, but there’s a difference between saying “I don’t like this type of content” and your “what if a 15 year old reads this?”

    That approach I find a bit dishonest, and the ‘you’re acting like Trump and/or Allam’ rationale a bit condescending and manipulative, when you could have simply said “I’m not keen on the stuff in paragraph 2″. That, I can accept.

  15. Officer Crabtree
    Officer Crabtree says:

    JohnK – have you ever met a 15-year-old? They tend not to bother with Amber Nectar because they’re on pornhub.

  16. BryneS
    BryneS says:

    Paragraph 2 gets a specific point across pretty well. TWTWT has also never asked me for any money, nor has it taken my money for years and then completely shifted the goalposts on me – so it is a bit rich to compare Les to an Allam. From my hazy recollection there has also been the occasional fuck and cunt dropped on AmberNectar, during it’s colourful history, so do we need to get too fired up about a cock and a pussy?

  17. gjhdurham
    gjhdurham says:

    JohnK… tend to agree with much of your post. MotD report on BBC2 Sunday lunchtime spent most of the time discussing Watford’s poor play and Deeney’s comments…although they did have Dawson on the phone. It’s always the way for “little old Hull”. If we win, they discuss the opposition manager’s position or something!
    WSM…Great idea! I agree that Silva could build something remarkable at Hull, but it would take the owners to show a step change in vision. If only new owners had arrived…but have to confess being nervous of some of these foreign buyers getting into the PL. Many look to have dubious baggage…
    Officer C…Lol. Nice one!
    Was expecting the worst on Sat, and it seemed so thanks to the ref…although Watford sometimes travel badly. Felt sick at the sending off. What a joke! But then the amazing fight back!! Thanks to all!
    Have been feeling a bit more optimistic about the Soton game since before Watford…don’t know why. They seem a bit inconsistent, plus are safe. More Jak super saves and a couple of Clucas worldies please! Think we’ll need away points…. COYH!!

  18. Andy
    Andy says:

    JohnK – sure, you can express that opinion if you so wish, opinions are what we exist for, while also bearing in mind that AN is a site pitched at grown-ups that sometimes uses colourful language.

    My wife thought it was funny; the ten year old here isn’t allowed to read AN, on account of being ten.

  19. Bill Carson
    Bill Carson says:

    Point 10. Ehab could be Edmund Blackadder?
    Looking at the fixtures and a point on Saturday would be priceless, if followed up by another home win vs Sunderland.
    Psychologically this could kill off Swansea.
    Defeat away again and we could go into the final game still 2 points ahead, us vs the all conquering Spurs and Swansea vs a mid table, on the beach, indifferent WBA.

  20. Jon
    Jon says:

    I don’t like the word pussy either, too American. Makes me think of skinny Texan women with massive fake tits and cuprinol skin.
    What’s up with a good historic English word like “cunny”?

  21. Ambertigerfan
    Ambertigerfan says:

    I swear during the 70’s at school we called em “fadges” as a crossover with Les’s bread cake reference. All good adult Hull bloke fun words.

    No need for any moral high horses.

  22. Paul B
    Paul B says:

    I reckon the only thing 8-15 year olds would be asking about point 2 is “who are Sophia Loren and Deirdre Barlow?”

  23. Rich
    Rich says:

    Fadges work for me. Every time. People moaning about “adult” themes on AN? Hahahaha! Family club? With no concessions. Hahahah! etc.

  24. Chunder Monkey
    Chunder Monkey says:

    steve, fuck off with your patronising, snide comment. And for the record, I did enjoy listening to the game on the radio on Saturday, so fuck off again.

  25. adamhull
    adamhull says:

    Amused/bemused by Richard Pearson’s assertion above that: “City is a family club now, isn’t it?”

    Probably don’t abolish concession prices if you’re a family club, do you?

  26. Baby Chaos
    Baby Chaos says:

    Steve, I think you’ve mistakenly ended up here when you meant to comment on the Hull Tigers Facebook page.

  27. Jon
    Jon says:

    “Some might take a fence at that” badadoom-tsh.
    Nice one.
    Fadge. Ace. Remember singing “a finger a fadge is just enough…”

  28. Ambertigerfan
    Ambertigerfan says:

    Aha Jon, it’s not just me that remembers the fadge meaning then! Great, I was beginning to think I was warping my vaginal nomenclature history from 70’s Ainthorpe JHS playground,

    Now “minge” there is a fine word too!

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