Laws Unto Himself

Assuming you went to see City’s win at Scunthorpe in December, which incident from the game would you say was befitting of the description ‘naff’?

The referee missing Nathan Stanton chopping Tappa’s legs away in the box perhaps? Or Guy Ipoua’s sensationally inept miss, when he nearly hit the top of the stand from three yards out? Or the godawful ‘We are the Tigers from Boo-Boothferry’ chant?

Ooops! Pissed mesen again

"Ooops! Pissed me'sen again"

If your name is Brian Laws none of the aforementioned acts. No, the bouffant-haired halfwit claimed that David Brightwell’s goal for City was ‘naff’. Now I’ll admit that Brightwell isn’t the most skilful player in the lower divisions, but his shot was well hit, accurate and better than anything Scunny managed.

The only poor aspect of the goal was Scunny’s hilariously slack wall, and Tommy Evans’ reactions being so slow that the ball was already in the net before he dived.

He also went on to claim that Clint Marcelle ‘used his experience’ to win the free kick from which the Tigers scored, i.e. Clint dived. Incredibly this was after Andy Dawson, the impressive Scunt fullback admitted that he’d fouled Marcelle on Radio Humberside.

Now there would be no reason whatsoever for Dawson to claim he’d fouled Clint if he hadn’t, so wrong again Bri. He couldn’t simply accept that he’d lost and City deserved their win.

Mind you Laws has a long and illustrious history of making a complete tit of himself and I aren’t referring to him winning ‘Blooper of the Month’ on the ‘Goals Galore 88/89′ video.

Back in 95/96, when he was the manager of fellow South Bank degenerates Grimsby Town, Laws actually managed to attract a decent player to Blundell Park, the wily Italian schemer Ivano Bonetti. Being head and shoulders above the other dross plying their trade in Europe’s Food Town (snigger) Bonetti became something of a cult figure with Mariners fans. He’d inspired them to their best start to a season in ages. So what does Laws do?

After a poor performance at Luton he chucked a plateful of chicken sandwiches at the current Dundee manager. Bonetti, unsurprisingly slung his hook, and Laws was deservedly sacked within a couple of months. And there’s more. Around a year ago in the Guardian he admitted that prior to a Wembley Cup final with Forest he was so nervous that he wet himself. Yeah, that’s really the sort of thing you want to admit to a national newspaper.


Also when Steve Guinan, who’d been on loan to Scunthorpe from Forest refused to stay for a second month he stripped him of his club tracksuit in the club car park. Poor old Guinan had to drive home to Nottingham in his underwear. And about a month ago after a 2-1 defeat at Exeter City he described the Grecians’ keeper Arjan van Heusden, as ‘The worst goalie I’ve ever seen’. I would mention that he described Exeter’s strikers Steve Flack and Kevin Francis as being ‘More suited to Basketball’, but he was actually correct about that.

Could you imagine Brian Little coming out with such tripe? Even the likes of Alex Ferguson, Kevin Keegan or John Gregory, all emotional characters have never spouted such drivel. Perhaps it’s because Laws feels so passionately about the job. Perhaps it’s because he wants the fans to identify with him. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t think before he speaks and regrets his actions afterwards. Could be, but I think it’s because Laws is a complete twat.

James McVie